Going Home for the Holidays: A College Student’s Guide to Stress, Boundaries, and Staying Grounded
Going home for the holidays can be such an exciting break to look forward to… Cozy blankets, home-cooked meals (a sweet relief from all that dining hall food), trips to your favorite neighborhood spots, visits from your hometown best friends. But as a college student, the reality can sometimes feel a little more complicated. Between family expectations, old rules, and slipping back into “high school you,” the holiday season can bring up a lot of stress.
If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed heading home from campus, you’re definitely not alone. As a therapist who works with teens and young adults, I see so many clients struggle with the same thing, so I’ve compiled a list of some of my favorite ways to stay grounded and get the most out of your much-deserved winter break.
1. Expect Some Bumps (and that’s okay)
One of the biggest stressors around the holidays is expecting everything to go perfectly. Instead, try being honest with yourself about what the visit might look like.
Are there conversations that tend to get tense? Old rules you know will resurface? People who ask too many personal questions?
Setting realistic expectations helps you stay grounded and avoid that shock when old patterns show up.
2. Notice the “Old You” That Shows Up at Home
It’s wild how quickly we fall back into old family roles. Maybe you feel younger, quieter, or more dependent when you’re home. Maybe everyone still treats you like you’re in high school.
This doesn’t mean you haven’t grown, it just means your environment hasn’t caught up yet. Being aware of this dynamic can help you stay connected to who you are now.
3. Set Boundaries Before You Even Walk in the Door
Boundaries aren’t rude, they help relationships stay healthy. And when it comes to holiday stress, pre-setting your boundaries can make a huge difference.
Think about what feels important to you:
Alone time
What you’re willing to talk about
Social plans
Curfews
Privacy around grades, dating, or your mental health
Talking about these ahead of time (even with a quick text) can help avoid misunderstandings later.
4. Build a Holiday Coping Menu
College mental health can take a hit during big transitions, so it helps to have coping tools ready.
A coping menu is basically a list of things that help you feel grounded when things get overwhelming. Yours might include:
Going for a walk
Listening to music
Playing with a pet
Journaling
A breathing exercise
A solo coffee run
Calling a friend
Keep the list somewhere accessible (my favorite is the Notes app in your phone).
5. Plan Your Escape Routes (Yes, Seriously)
Sometimes you just need a moment to breathe.
Think ahead about:
A polite phrase you can use to step out of a tough conversation
A place in the house where you can chill and reset
A reason to get out of the house if things get intense (drive, errand, coffee shop, walk)
It’s not dramatic. It’s self-regulation.
6. Know Who Your Support People Are
Just because you’re home doesn’t mean your support system disappears.
Plan check-ins with:
Friends from college
Friends who are also home for the break
A sibling or cousin who gets it
Your therapist, if you’re continuing sessions remotely
Having someone outside your family to talk to can really buffer holiday stress.
7. Communicate Your Needs (Even If It Feels Awkward)
A short message like:
“Hey, I’m excited to come home! I’ll still have some school work and I want to make sure I have downtime to rest. I just wanted to give you a heads up.”
This sets the tone early and helps avoid guilt or confusion when you need space.
8. Prepare for Identity Clashes
Coming home can bring up tension between the “new you” and the “old environment.”
Maybe you’ve changed your routine, interests, or boundaries. Maybe you feel more independent at school but still treated like a kid at home.
Try grounding in who you’ve become and give yourself permission to take up space as this newer version of yourself.
9. Don’t Forget About Finals Stress
If you’re heading home before finals are over, protect your academic bandwidth. Set times for studying and tell your family ahead of time.
You’re not being dramatic, this is literally how you take care of yourself during a high-stress time.
10. Know What Tend to Be Your “Home Triggers”
If you’re aware of the things that typically stress you out (certain conversations, dynamics, or topics) you can plan how to respond differently this year.
Awareness = empowerment.
11. Bring Stuff That Helps You Feel Like Yourself
Small things can make a big emotional difference:
Your favorite hoodie
A comfort book
Headphones
A journal
Snacks you love
If going home feels destabilizing, grounding objects help you stay centered.
12. Practice Answers to the “Holiday Questions”
You know the ones:
“Are you dating anyone?”
“What’s your major again?”
“What are your plans after graduation?”
You can rehearse short, neutral answers that don’t drain your energy.
It’s not fake, it’s just boundaries in action.
13. You’re Allowed to Have Alone Time
Holiday breaks can feel packed with family time, but you’re allowed to rest and recharge. If you need solo time, take it!
14. It’s Okay if Home Feels Different Now
If family dynamics have changed, traditions have shifted, or things don’t feel like they used to, it’s normal to feel a mix of sadness, nostalgia, or even grief.
You can honor those feelings and create new rituals that feel meaningful to you now.
15. Reflect After You’re Back on Campus
Once you’re back at school, think about:
What worked well?
What didn’t?
What do you want to handle differently next time?
This helps make each visit a little easier.
You’re Not Alone in This
Going home for the holidays can be complicated for a lot of college students. Taking time to prepare emotionally, mentally, and practically can make the experience feel a lot more manageable.
If you’re struggling with holiday stress, family dynamics, or boundaries, therapy can help you feel supported and more in control. Reach out if you want a space to talk it through.